Novice In Tomboyism

I've been a crumby webmistress for 2011

2012-01-07T02:56:00.000-05:00

To all affiliates that wished us happy holidays, etc. mianhae/gomenosai/lo siento/bàoqiàn for not doing the same! T_T. I know I've been MIA lately. Between trying to get my life on track with college, waiting for the opportunity to get my 60 hours and thus, my license for driving (and more job opportunities), trying to find work in general, and keeping myself busy with my youtube channels RWNEntertainment and JGLDEnt so that I wouldn't go stark raving mad being stuck at home for the past 7 months, I know I haven't been doing much as far as advertising, writing on here. New Years Resolution: keep this site alive. More and more competition pops up every year like weeds, but one thing I have over these new site owners is experience. Time to show it off.

I don't usually get political on this site, but...

2011-12-14T17:11:00.001-05:00

This message is all too important for the sake of the internet. If you're like me, you no doubt enjoy using social media sites, video, music, and image hosting sites, as well as being able to stay on top of the news without going through corrupt news stations paid by the government. You probably even like web hosted shows that you can't get on television. Shows that may contain commentary/reviews on music, movies, games, and any copyrighted content. Well, we here in America have a problem that is urgent and will threaten us: the average internet users who enjoy watching and creating these shows for entertainment purposes. This will not only affect us in the United States. The entire online community will be rocked by this issue, if it's not addressed and not stopped.

Today is the last day before Congress decides to pass the SOPA (Stop Online Piracy Act) Bill. This Bill is bipartisan, meaning Democrats and Republicans want to pass this as law. This law was brought to light by Hollywood: the entertainment industry themselves. Let's keep in mind that this is the same industry that has for years been trying to halt innovation and hold fast to outdated business models. They claimed that television, VCRs, DVDs, cassettes, CDs, mp3 players... anything that could be bought and used by the average, everyday man would destroy their industries (music, movies, games). Well, their latest target is the internet: Pirates to be exact.

What is a pirate? Anyone who hosts and posts software for free when it was originally meant to be purchased in a hardware format. Music, movies, and a lot of the programs that we use on our computers were all originally on hardware of some sort, usually DVD or CD. The SOPA Bill wishes to target websites that we use every day that may contain copyrighted material. If you've ever received a message from youtube stating that you have copyrighted material from company XYZ, and the next day, that video disappears (or your account!), then you should understand that is bill is like that on a larger scale. Your account won't just be terminated: the entire site will go off the Domain Name Server list. The site (and/or you) will be charged with a felony of copyright infringement and you will be guilty without due process of a trial. If those of you outside the US thinks this doesn't affect you: many sites' servers are based in the US. If the site's server disappears here: you lose the site too.

You may say: "I'm not a pirate! I'm not even making money off of what I do!" Hollywood doesn't care. They see it as you giving away their contents for free. You're a singer and you cover your favorite song? You might as well be selling bootleg copies for your own profit as far as they're concerned. Even if you don't get paid for what you're doing, it's all the same to Hollywood. This bill will not stop the real problem: people putting copyrighted content out there for the world to grab. When you take down one site, there will always be a hundred or a thousand more who will replace it. There will always be piracy because the quality of music, movies, and video games has become so poor, that it's not worth paying money for something that will in the end: disappoint. Then there's the issue of globalism.

The world is global. If people in one country want to watch a show from another country, they don't want to wait 3 seasons after the show has already started. They don't have immediate access like the country of origin and they have to deal with region coding, payment, and shipping costs, as well as additional taxes that make the software held inside the DVD/CD triple the price in addition to the risks involved in shipment (things get broken or defective).

We understand (I'm sure even some pirates understand) that the makers of the content should have the right to monetary compensation. The problem is in -once again- outdated methods. Embracing technological innovation will only help the entertainment industry. Targeting sites left and right, compromising the security of the internet, depriving people of an honest living or means of entertainment is not the way to get people to be honest and buy the product. The way to get more people to buy copyrighted material is giving them ease of access in a way that will benefit the company. Ditch the large cinemas and have online theatres. Make all music available and affordable in a digital format from WAV and FLAC for the audiophiles to mp3 and WMA for the average iPod owner. SOPA will hurt more than it helps and will in the end, not benefit anyone. This Bill will further impede upon our right to Free Speech which has already been compromised with the USA Patriot Act, it will halt any further technological growth, and it will cost jobs in an economy already financially unstable. If you want to help stop this, visit Stop American Censorship. Americans, call your representatives and Congress; internationals may email. You have no restriction to how many times you can email or call. Don't not act thinking that this Bill is too unconstitutional to be passed. The Patriot Act is unconstitutional and yet, it just received a 4 year extension. It is by our inaction and passivity that the government can and will do any and everything to give the police, CIA, FBI, corporations, political and religious extremists, and the richest 1% of the country total control over all of our lives. Do not let them gain more control with the passing of this Bill. If we want change and we want things to improve, we have to fight for it.

S.H.E - SHERO Album Review

2011-12-01T23:50:00.000-05:00

Via request by kdiana.

This is honestly my first time paying any attention to this group, since I know that for the most part they're actresses now-a-days. S.H.E consists of Selina (middle), Hebe (right), and Ella (left). Selina handles the soprano lines, Hebe does the high harmonics and mezzo lines, Ella is the alto who contributes the low harmonies which in my opinion are very vital to any girl group where soprano bias runs rampant.

SHERO was the last album they released as of 2011. Unfortunately, due to an on set accident that left 40-50% of her body in 3rd degree burns, Selina will be on an indefinite hiatus as she recovers (and enjoys her new marriage which was on the 31st of October) and Ella and Hebe are in the midst of their solo careers since their 10th anniversary must be postponed. Considering that they are now in their 30's (which is any healthy female's vocal prime), have their vocals aged gracefully with time, or are these girls people you don't want to be their shero?

Album: SHERO (2010)
Album #: 9
Tracklist:
01 SHERO
02 Ru Guo Ni Shi Nu Hai
03 Wo Ai Yu Ye Hua
04 Liang Ge Ren De Huang Dao (Feat Judy Chou)
05 Shao Le Yi Ge Ren
06 Shou Liu Wo
07 Chao Ke Neng
08 Ai Shang Ni (Ost. Down With Love)
09 Ni Bu Hui
10 Ai Jiu Dui Le

01 SHERO
Track 1 starts off with a bang with the album's title track. For those of us who are new to the group, it's a relief that they have distinctive voices that don't sound exactly the same with similar timbres. Selina's voice is airy compared to Hebe's whose is fuller, despite being similar in tone. Ella's strong, low timbre is complimentary to Selina and Hebe's as she sings the harmonics and ends each solo.

The instrumental is strong enough to make one listen, especially when it builds from the solos, into the pre chorus, and then peaks with the chorus. SHE sings the chorus in a way where you can definitely tell who's doing what. Thankfully the chorus does change in key towards the end, so it doesn't feel like the song goes nowhere after all that build up.

Rating: 5/5

02 Ru Guo Ni Shi Nu Hai
This song on the other hand... It's direction is somewhat the opposite. It starts off strong with the instrumental that sounds unique in that it sounds traditional with some modern claps and kicks added in. Their vocals are clearly processed (T-Pain'd) by the second verse, though tastefully, but it doesn't escape my notice. The instrumental doesn't change much throughout and it's easy for this song to become background noise. I usually like chord changes, but for this song, I could have done without it. Hebe's voice is not pleasant to listen to when it's been T-Pain'd and thrown in a higher key.

Rating: 3/5

03 Wo Ai Yu Ye Hua
This song eases you in with Chinese recorders, and I believe a pipa (Chinese lute). Very easy on the ears. It's a nice contrast when they start the song off with Ella (In Taiwanese dialect), followed by Selina singing in chest voice (though it's not her strongest area - at least from what I've heard live). The beat is just fast enough for them to have to pseudo-rap, (I'm not sure if rapping is their forte). Selina and Ella are a nice contrast during the bridge. I love the background echos from Ella and especially how polyphonic the end gets with Ella's background, Selina and Hebe's chorus, and the additional background vocals. This is definitely a song where multiple parts work for the best and only serves my point of having at least one alto in a female group. Ella's voice adds depth where this song could have been thin and would have felt lacking. I hope that the following women in Kpop groups: Yubin and Amber get the chance to serve such a purpose in their respective groups.Yea, sure they're rappers, but rapping in Kpop has become dime a dozen and there are few females who have the natural talent and don't come off sounding contrived (I'm looking at you SNSD. What the hell did you think you were doing in The Boys? But that's a whole 'nother review).

Rating: 5/5

If the vocals are coming only from the right speaker, it's not your computer or ear/headphones. It's the video.

04 Liang Ge Ren De Huang Dao (Feat Judy Chou)
Once again, it's another ballad. This time with a guy (with a feminine name...). All compliment each other beautifully, with Selina's harmonies (which sound kind of Rainie Yang-ish), Ella and Judy's vocals, as well as Hebe's. If the last song was vocally busy, this one is even more so. It's an easy listener for when you feel like dozing off - in a good way. I imagine it would be a real pain to cover though.

Rating: 5/5

05 Shao Le Yi Ge Ren
By now I'm starting to get drowsy. Mental note: don't try to listen to this album in one sitting. I love ballads as much as the next person, but Jiminy Cricket on a Pogo stick! This is one too many in a row. They sound nice, but due to the constant bombardment of ballads so far, it's easily background noise if you try to listen to it after listening to the previous tracks.

Rating: 2/5

06 Shou Liu Wo
Finally, something a bit faster! It's still rather mellow, but at least I'm not falling asleep. They're heavy on harmonics which I love. However... It's still a bit too slow for my taste - at least in the context of this album. By itself, I like it, but when combined with the rest of the album, it's just a step above the other slow sleep inducers.

Rating: 3.5/5

07 Chao Ke Neng
Dear God another ballad.

At least until the first 35 seconds has passed!

To be honest, it sounds like something that would be done in Korean by f(x) or Wonder Girls. This is more upbeat and fun compared to all the soft ballads from earlier and can give this album a much needed boost. I love layers of course, and this has plenty of them. I can actually hear this being done for a drama, actually. I like.

Rating: 5/5

08 Ai Shang Ni (Ost. Down With Love)
This time we get another OST track from a drama, as well as another feature. This time it's J.Wu (thank you youtube comments!) Luckily this is another mid to dance track. Hebe and Selina really shine in this track, it's just too bad that Ella got the short end of the stick. Only a couple of lines as lead in the chorus and a few lines during the middle 8.

Rating: 4/5

09 Ni Bu Hui
Once again, the album brings things down a few notches with yet another ballad-y song. It's nice that Ella got a lead part after being shunted in the last song, but it feels out of left field in the context of the album. *spoiler* the last song is rock infused *spoiler*

Rating: 3.5/5

10 Ai Jiu Dui Le
This is actually a cover of Kate Voegele's Angel. Ella's voice, while certainly wonderful, was a bit strong to start with. I felt that Selina could have started the song with Ella coming in second as opposed to the reverse. Their voices alone (except Selina who's tied with her) are stronger than Kate's. Together, they blow her out the water I'm afraid. Sorry Kate. I wish their were more tracks like this on the album (that are original of course).

Rating: 5/5

Overall Score: 41/50 = 82%
Most Recommended: SHERO, Wo Ai Yu Ye Hua

Rock may not be their primary genre, but they pull it off really well and it's [SHERO] a good track to get your feet wet with. I had this song on constant repeat before listening to the rest of the album. Wo Ai Yu Ye Hua really gives a good impression on their cultural roots with everything from the instrumental to their use of dialect. It's perfect if you're looking for something that doesn't sound like it was ripped off from Kpop, the US, etc.

Least Recommended: Shao Le Yi Ge Ren, Ni Bu Hui, Ru Guo Ni Shi Nu Hai

Because they're bad? No, but because Shao Le Yi Ge Ren comes after being subjected to 2 other slow tracks that its addition makes the album feel more lethargic than it needs to be. Ni Bu Hui suffers the same problem. Its timing and placement in the album (after 3 slower tracks and a couple of 'waker uppers' and right before a song that infuses rock) is jarring. The third song lost love from me with the autotune on Hebe which just sounded atrocious.

Final Thoughts
The album's points were really brought down with how many slower tracks? 4? 5? If this were a group that only did ballads as their genre, I could understand the prevalence, but because they proved that they can do rock and other up tempo tracks, the constant barrage of slow songs in a row made the album feel that it dragged for longer than it needed to.

Brown Eyed Girls - Sixth Sense Album Review

2011-09-27T00:20:00.003-04:00

Artist: Brown Eyed Girls

Album: Sixth Sense (9-23-11)

Language: Korean

Genre: Dance, R&B, Latin, Swing, Jazz

Tracklist:

1. Swing It Shorty (intro)

2. Sixth Sense [title track & promo]

3. Hot Shot

4. La Boheme

5. An Inconvenient Truth

6. Lovemotion

7. Countdown (interlude)
8. Vendetta
9. Sixth Sense (instrumental)

It's been 2 years (the Kpop equivalent of forever and a day) since the Brown Eyed Girls graced the screen, stage, and ears with their presence. During this break of sorts, they promised to deliver an album to top their 'break out' album Sound G which give them the recognition they deserved after years of being over shadowed by artists in the Big 3 mainstream crowd. While I'd argue that the way they earned their success was less than ideal (they had to surrender their beautiful voices to autotune and their classiness to hip thrusting and strip teasing in Abracadabra's video, earning them an only after 11pm spot on music stations), the fact that these ladies were still known for their voices did not go unnoticed (which was the original goal: their voices and musicality, not their looks or following the trend of cutesy, technicolor vomit). Do these ladies deliver the goods, or do they fall short of expectations?

Note: Under normal circumstances, I would provide videos so that you maybe able to judge the songs on your own terms and be free to agree or disagree with my position. However, as of 9/27 midnight, all videos pertaining to the new songs have been blocked by Leon Ent./leonent. Sorry for the inconvenience.

1. Swing It Shorty (intro)

Right off the bat, you can listen to this 95% intrumental - 5% vocalizing and tell that they're aiming for a distinct sound that doesn't get covered a lot in mainstream kpop. It's jazzy. It screams of the Ragtime, Jazz, and Swing era when going out to dance your heels into the ground was not just for fun, but a courting ritual and a musical revolution. It's complex while still being easy for the ears to digest. It doesn't clobber you over the head with synthetics, or techno-electronica. It's fun and makes you want to grab a hoop skirt. BEG have always liked infusing old with the new and it shows with this first track. They are one of the few groups that can do this without sounding contrived or fake, like they're just doing what the company demands of them.

2. Sixth Sense

Video wise: Well, they're still gyrating and molesting the ground (Jea), and Gain is once again in a torture situation that borders on BDSM (From Abracadabra to now, I'm seeing a pattern here), Narsha's being water tortured (Another pattern. Anyonne notice that ever since Sign, somebody's submerged in water?), and Miryo is a general starting a revolution. They're sexy, it's true, and every NARROW MINDED feminist in the world will ony see them as hoes, but liberation (as a woman in the world of music and in visual art) is the point they want to convey. Whether it takes home that point is up to subjective interpretation on part of the individual. We must remember that despite the name, Brown Eyed Girls are not underage like the majority of sexualized girl groups. As grown women over the age of 21 (all but Gain pushing 30, Jea being 30), they were never teenie boppers masquerading as innocent little angels in booty shorts. They were women when they debuted and they are women now. Let's not even complain or get into a debate on whether or not they're "too sexy" because the Korean FCC is doing that for us.

The music alone: Is it big? Yes. Is it bombastic? Yes. Does it take everything you know about music past 2008 and bitch slap it across the face? Yes. And it is awesome. Believe it or not... they use real instruments (insert apocolyptic music and a high, girly scream from producers addicted to electronica and synths), they aren't processed up the wazoo, and Jea tells Mariah Carey to sit her butt down and let a soprano who still has her pipes to show her how it's done. These women all have distinct personalities and styles in their voices and it blends well to bring a dynamically complex piece of work. While the track itself hits us over the head with strong strings, and brass instruments in a rhythm that's reminescent of a march, Gain and Narsha keeps us all grounded until Jea turns everything up about 5 notchs in the chorus. The bridge and rap gives us a few moments to breathe before we hit the stratosphere. There is nothing further I can say that hasn't already been said about the glass breaking whistle register vocalizings that are performed by Jea and Gain that hasn't already been gushed over? I must also state that this song shows a mastery of control. In the lives, they could have gone over the top, but no, they managed to sing this song without breaking their mics, killing their voices, or bleeding my ears.

3. Hot Shot

This was released prior as a single, but in the context of the album, it doesn't sound out of place. It definitely continues the salsa groove that Gain started with her 2/4 Step album. The fusion of Latin and Korean is definitely an interesting combination and it does show that Korea is not obsessed with copying America's every move. Other then that, the song can become background noise and it feels repetitive. It's not bad in the least, but without the visuals of the stage, it washes over me and I easily zone out, reliving my Spanish classes where I learned the native dances of the merengue, bachata, and salsa.

4. La Boheme

This gives us something to chill to. It feels like a throw back to the 90's or the 80's. Gain's sweet voice, the 'la-la, la-la, la la boheme' in the background, as well as Miryo's whispers add a bit of depth to her enlongated stanzas. It's a song all about freedom. Freedom in love, life, from conformity. It could have easily been something flighty and could have deviated from the theme of the album and gone into 'oppa, saranghae' territory. Thank goodness it doesn't or else the next track would sound very out of place.

5. An Inconvenient Truth

If La Boheme was a throw back in a musical time period, this is a throw back to BEG's debut period. Some of you out there may not remember that long, long time ago (2006) when Brown Eyed Girls were that now extinct type of group called a vocal group (instead of 'idol' group) in which the main focus weren't how pretty the members were or their legs, but the focus was their voices. Here, we get a reminder of what Brown Eyed Girls are: vocalists. This is composed by leader Jea and it allows them all to shine as they ask for release from a now loveless relationship in which neither lover has the courage to leave. Miryo gives a saddening rap that drips of desperation. The song itself is the paradox of not wanting to be alone, but wanting to be away from the stranger that is oneself and the stranger that claims to love another. It's a love that has grown so routine, it's empty and robotic.

6. Lovemotion

I think this is a song to remind international (and national) Kpop fans complaining of 'too sexy' that BEG are grown women and that the concept of sex and sexuality are no longer foreign subjects to these ladies. This song is pure and simple: the art of flirting and seduction as well as owning up to those desires without shame. I will thank them graciously for maintaining their classiness and sophistication, considering how conservative Korea is and how touchy a subject they tread. It will earn them a 19+ sticker, sure, but this album is about pushing some boundaries and editing a few rules that Kpop music stands by. Rules such as: Women must be sex pots, but be demure nuns off screen/stage. They must desire to please their 'oppas' but have no desire for themselves. 2ne1 made Girl Power popular, but BEG are the ones actually making music to reflect it. I can admit, the arrangement is simplistic to borderline sleep inducing. It's so simplistic that it goes nowhere and this is probably the most anti-climatic track out of all 8 (9 if you add Sixth Sense' instrumental).

7. Countdown (Interlude)

This is so epic. Everything from the accapella they start in, to the Motown inspired instrumental. It's mostly English and it's mainly to be filler, but it's a nice filler and lead into Vendetta.

8. Vendetta

This song is like the Jekyll to "An Inconvient Truth's" Hyde. If An Inconvenient Truth is a want to leave a loveless relationship, in this one: there's no love lost. BEG want their men gone. I'll admit that the intrumental brings nothing new to the table as far as innovation goes, but it doesn't necessarily have to. It was meant as a throwback in style and the lyrics alone makes the song a great track.

Vocals: 5/5

These girls going on break made me miss them all the more. Their vocals are as clear, sharp, and on point. I have absolutely no complaints.

Lyrics: 4.5/5

Whether it was due to the translations, or the songwriting in general, the song La Boheme was all over the place. I had to make an educated guess on what the song wanted to convey. They come across sounding like their ages and not trying to be 'cute' or innocent. These ladies are far too old to play into the innocent vixen role that Korean men love.

Cohesiveness: 5/5

There wasn't necessarily any song that made me go 'WTH? Where did this come from?' They didn't stick to one tried and true genre like the rest of Kpop would have done. Instead, they dabbled with Jazz, Swing, Latin, and a bit of R&B, never losing their roots and never sounding like fishes out of water. I like that it's not one big never ending Jazz-Salsa-Motown-Swing party and that they do allow for some down time with An Inconvenient Truth, La Boheme, and Lovemotion.

Best Tracks: Sixth Sense, An Inconvenient Truth

Worth a Listen: La Boheme, Vendetta

Not bad, but you wouldn't miss anything if you skipped: Hot Shot, Lovemotion

Avoid like the plague: None. No track is downright bad or terrible. All of these were produced well and it comes down to personal taste.

Final Verdict: 14.5/15

New Layout & Some Shameless Plugging

2011-08-31T17:57:00.000-04:00

As you all can see, we have a new layout. This time we're featuring H!P's C-ute. It's rare that we feature any Japanese groups, but since I'm slowly edging back into a Jpop/rock phase ~~(while I wait for WG's comeback)~~, I decided to feature a group that caught my eye (well, actually just a particular member since I only know Airi because of Aa!).

And now: Shameless Plug Time!

I and fellow member of this site YoungJi own a channel by name of JGLDEnt. in which we and 12 others cover primarily girl groups (and we're looking for guys to be in our boy group, so anyone with lots of testosterone out there: WE WANT YOU!). Our permanent groups are filled, but if you like any of the following: singing, Japanese, Korean, or Mando-pop, you are more than welcome to join our audition for Platinum Hearts. Platinum Hearts is open to guys and girls and will cover songs in English, Japanese, Korean, and Mandarin. Each song will be open audition since this is not a permanent group. Feel free to also visit our channel JGLDEnt. Don't be shy and tell us what you think.

Like I said, we need boys for the group BrokN, so guys, please do audition as well.

New Layout & Some Shameless Plugging

2011-08-31T17:45:00.000-04:00

N.I.T Is Now Chrome and IE Compatible

2011-08-28T16:48:00.000-04:00

In case you guys didn't notice the slight difference in the banner, N.I.T is now compatible in Chrome and IE. It's all thanks to Chazzie - yes Chazzie from Dorkistic Designs. Unfortunately, a template generator that I was working with didn't quite churn out the code 100% correct, and I made a couple of errors that wasn't noticeable in firefox or opera, but was noticeable in Chrome and IE. Chazzie pointed them out and fixed them and now, she is officially BAMF. Actually, she was already BAMF, but her new found ability to make sites made via ~~webtemplategenerator~~ compatible, earned her a 100 BAMF points.

That's all for now, folks. It's short. It's sweet. It shows properly in your browser XD.

Saegil Chukahamnida GD Oppa!

2011-08-18T12:53:00.000-04:00

Found this on 6theory. Let's celebrate his bday with his solo debut: Heartbreaker!

New Layout

2011-08-12T22:09:00.000-04:00

I could have waited until next week, but I didn't want to. In honor of Big Bang's 5th anniversary and G-Dragon's (my number 1 male bias) birthday, I made yet another Big Bang themed layout. Let me know of any glitches so I can fix them. Look for Big Bang themed challenges next week.

Mission Accomplished by Sherioka Review by LaurenLCD

2011-08-03T11:52:00.002-04:00

[Title]: Mission Accomplished
[Author]: Sherioka
[Main Characters/Pairings]: Yamada Ryosuke; Yaotome Hikaru; Usui Chikako (OC)
[Rating]: PG-13
[Reviewer]: LaurenLCD @ Novice In Tomboyism
[site]: http://novicetomboy.blogspot.com

[Title: 3/5] Criteria: Is it eye-catching & unique? Does it draw the reader to the story?

It's not very unique; rather cliche. It may draw in readers expecting something to do with mystery, etc. but due to winglin's interface not being like Asianfanfics and providing a brief summary before clicking, that particular audience may be disappointed.

[Forewords 5/10] Criteria: Does it give information about the characters/story? Do you have any clue as to what may happen in a way that doesn't reveal the ending? Is it organized? Does the author give a rating/warning that there may be elements that aren't child friendly or Not Safe For Work?

While you do provide a neat template for the title, genre, etc. I felt you should have added the 'Author' and especially the 'Rating'. Even though this story is supposed to contain light hearted romance, there's nothing stopping you from adding a swear word here or there. If you decide to add light swearing in the form of a 'damn,' etc. then your audience should be aware of such warnings.

[Plot/Originality 10/20] Criteria: Is it more complex than "boy meets girl" or "Boy A loves Girl, but she loves Boy B?" Even if it's cliche', does it bring a different twist in a way that the reader doesn't figure out the end before the final chapter?

This isn't very original. It's a simple Boy A likes girl and tries to get Boy B to make him seem like Prince Charming. Even though this is only part 1 of a two-shot, I can already predict the outcome: While trying to make Ryosuke look good, Hikaru reveals himself to be less of a douche than he portrays to Chikako. Chikako will end up falling for Hikaru, Ryosuke feels betrayed, and both boys will try to win Chikako's affection. She'll either a) choose one of the boys, b) choose neither, or c) say that she likes both boys but wants to remain friends.

Part 2: It ended on a predictable note. Chikako didn't chose either boy. Ryosuke's character did a 180 and stopped trying to pursue her, after getting tired of her constant attitude. They eventually tried to develop a friendship. Nothing here was out of the ordinary.

[Flow/Pacing 5/10] Criteria: Does the story go too fast that the reader can't keep up, or too slow that the reader gets bored waiting for something to happen?

I can't tell the time frame of what's happening. There are little to no transitional clues for the passing of time. I can't imagine that all of this is happening in the time span of one day, but without any clues, it feels as though it's very rushed.

[Grammar/Spelling 15/30] Criteria: Does the writing make sense in and out of context? Does the reader have to reread something to understand what the author's trying to get across? Is the author's writing descriptive? Are there too many glaring typos? If so, point them out and correct them.

One thing I have noticed with this story and the last story you had us review is that there is a glaring lack of detail. I don't know the setting or what our protagonists look like. Everything is generally vague and left in the dark. For those that read this story and don't know who the characters are as celebrities, they'd be highly inclined to click the Main Index button because there's not enough to connect them to the world you're trying to create. There are also spelling and grammar errors, as well as language issues regarding your use of Japanese.

Mistake: She couldn’t concentrate on sleeping, reading or watching TV as there were loud and random shouts coming from the party, piercing her sensitive ears.

Edit: She couldn't concentrate on sleeping, reading, or watching TV due to the random shouts outside that pierced her sensitive ears.

Be careful of your grammar. There was a comma missing. You should also be careful of your tenses. With the use of 'piercing' as opposed to 'pierced,' the tense suddenly switched from past to present. This happens more as the story progresses. Whatever tense you decide to write in, it must stay consistant throughout the entire story.

Mistake: Without hesitate, she stormed out of her room and stood on the lawn of the noise maker’s house. She threw aside her ‘second thoughts’ and decided to pay a ‘friendly’ visit to her neighbor.

Edit: Without hesitation, she stormed out of her house, throwing aside all second thoughts. She was going to pay a 'friendly' visit to her noisy neighbor.

Hesitate should be hesitation. 'She threw aside her ‘second thoughts’ and decided to pay a ‘friendly’ visit to her neighbor.' is 1. Excessively wordy and 2. placed wrongly. The first half of your second sentence should have been combined with your first sentence. 'the noise maker's house' is unneeded and makes that sentence too wordy. Adding the adjective 'noisy' to describe her neighbor eliminates the need for 'the noise maker.'

Mistake: “I guess you’re not someone from the party then…” He said with a bit of sarcasm in his voice as he was about to walk back to party.

“Yeah?” He asked.

“Why?” He asked. etc.

There should be no capitalization of 'she,' 'he,' 'they,' 'their,' etc. The only time capitalization is necessary is when the speaker is a higher being such as: God/Jehovah/Allah or any particular deity/prophet.

Mistake: “Uh…I’m Usui Chikako, yoroshiku.” She bowed.

“Yaotome Hikaru, yoroshiku. Now can we go back already? You’re the main character for this party anyways.” Hikaru said.

This is where we get into incorrect Japanese usage. This is the first time the characters meet. The standard Japanese greeting for people who meet for the first time is as such:

Person A: Hajimamashite. [Last name] desu. Oname desu ka? <- Oname desu ka? is 'What's your name?' Ryosuke could have said this instead of 'By the way, what's your name?' if only to be more polite and be less wordy.

Japanese and Koreans generally don't call each other or refer to each other by their first names unless they have both agreed that it is okay to do so as a sign of friendship. There is always an honorific involved as a sign of respect: sempai (for students older/more advanced than oneself), san (casual sign of respect), sama (used in letters or in formal situations). These honorifics are always to be used for people you're not familiar with, or for people that are older than you. -Chan (for girls and young children of any gender or family members) and -Kun (for boys) are generally for friends that are younger than you. Calling someone you just met by their first name is considered rudeness, esp. depending on the following factors: age, social status, job/class rank, and gender.

Person B: Hajimamashite. [Last name] desu.

Person A: Doozo yoroshiku.

Person B: Doozo yoroshiku.

Mistake: “I just moved into this new house. It’s like a congratulation party for me. I’ve always wanted a big house like this to live in; I’ve been living in small apartments since I was born! Ever since I started my career as a chief in some famous Chinese restaurant…” This time, Ryosuke was cut off by Hikaru.

Edit: "I just moved here, so it's a house warming party. I've been living in small apartments since I was born, so I've always wanted a big house. Ever since I began my career as a chef at [insert a famous Japanese restaurant that may specialize in Chinese cuisine]-"

Reviewer's Note: This is just laziness on your part. Ryosuke sounds very inauthentic. No one actually speaks like this about their job. It sounds like he doesn't even know the restaurant he worked for. When a character is cut off by another character or their sentence is cut short, there's usually a dash to indicate that. Once again, you were being too wordy.

Mistake: After we got to school, Chikako sat at my usual spot near the front of the class, surprisingly; Hikaru sat beside me, too. He gave me a small smile before looking down on his notes.

“You should smile more.” Chikako gave him a slight puss on the arm.

Edit: "You should smile more." Chikako gave him a slight push on the arm.

Reviewer's Note: You randomly go from 3rd person in the first shot and begin the second shot in 1st person. If you begin a story in 1st, 2nd, or 3rd person, it is expected to be in that writing style the entire time. It's confusing and jarring when the author randomly switches the following: tenses, or between 1st, 2nd, or 3rd person.

[Characterization 10/20] Criteria: Are the characters complex or are they cliche Mary/Gary Stus (i.e perfect without flaws)? Is the reader able to differentiate their personalities? Do they show signs of growth spiritually/mentally/etc. as the story progresses? Do their personalities do a 180 in a way that leaves the reader in confusion?

They seem very one dimensional. Due to the lack of detail, all I can gather from these three is that Chikako is 1. snobbish for caring about Ryosuke's major being for those who barely get in her university, 2. has a short fuse for apparently no reason (possibly bipolar). Hikaru seems like a jerk for a good chunk of the two-shot. Ryosuke is like a lost puppy or stalker with his continued involvement in Chikako's life (and then does a 180 and decides to give up and let her pursue him). While I understand that they are neighbors, Ryosuke has only just met Chikako so his actions are very off putting, assuming that they've only known each other for a short time.

I don't know who's who as far as the boys are concerned and what they look like so, unfortunately I have to rely on the poster. Since the female character is an original character, she most definitely should have been given more attention in regards to detail of what she looks like. You should always write as if your audience knows nothing about the characters whether they are real life celebrities or not. It's fine to leave some detail and description out if they are being portrayed as they are in real life (career life, etc.), but the detail is needed if the world is an alternate universe where they are not celebrities.

[Bonus 4/5] Criteria: Favorite pairing? Does the poster (if there is one) look professional & not like it was made in Microsoft Paint or by someone just learning the basics of Photoshop? etc.

The poster is well done, but the characters names could have been added on the bottom for those unfamiliar with the celebrities involved. The male on the bottom right should have been edited to match the girl and other male. The tint for his picture is yellow while the others are tinted with more pink/magenta so he sticks out like a sore thumb.

[Grade 52/100] Criteria: 100-90 A; 89-80 B; 79-70 C; 69-60 D; 59-0 E

[Reviewer's Note] Suggest any sites/books with writing tutorials; words of encouragement, etc.

I suggest: 1. Write your story in a word processor such as MS Word or AbiWord (the latter is free) to catch grammar and spelling errors. Never write your first (and final) draft in winglin without actually taking time to check for errors. 2. Ask someone to beta read or act as your editor to correct your mistakes. 3. Look for tutorials online and read books by famous authors who can actually write, taking note of their grammar and use of wording (I'm sorry if this offends you if you're a Twilight fan, but avoid Stephanie Meyer at all costs. She cannot write. She uses purple prose, bad grammar, uses words from the thesaurus in an effort to sound intelligent but doesn't actually know what the words she uses mean, and her stories drag for hundreds of pages without going anywhere in plot development.)